Alright, so, 2004 was a really big year for so much music. Like a REALLY big year. I felt like every other week a ten year anniversary tour of this or that album was coming through town and I was just feeling like a crazy person.
Earlier this month I was talking to a friend about his birthday and it hit me like a freight train that this January 1st when I celebrate turning 28 I will be 10 whole years away from my 18th birthday.
I dunno, man. There is A LOT about the last 10 years that I’m conflicted about. I recently did part of focusing strategy to figure out a theme word for 2015. I settled on “intent” pretty early on in the process. Because when I look back on the last 10 years I see large moments of my life where I was content to be swept up by circumstances, rather than making active decisions. Now, “God blessed the broken road” and all that. I’m not unhappy with where I am. But I think I’ve gained the perspective that I can be more intentional or “attentively occupied with” my life.
Some of my most favorite music came out between 2003 and 2005. As we head into 2015 I keep thinking of the punk rock kid that was me, trying to figure out what she wanted to be, and how she would ever convince anyone she was a grown up. Twenty-eight is freaking me out in the sense that I’m getting married 58 days after my birthday and we put a deposit down on a house today and I’m making Cash Flow reports (and finding that enjoyable). I keep taking these Zach Morris pauses in the middle of things and recognizing for a minute that adulthood is here. It’s here.
I have the birthday blues. I’ve been a sort of funk all day. Despite my best efforts to shake out of it I’m just feeling weird.
New Year’s is a weird day to have a birthday. This one feels especially like the true end of an era. There is now a decade spanning between my 18th birthday and this one. Ten years ago really great pop-punk music was coming out of central Florida, Fall Out Boy and Panic! at the Disco were just about to take the world by storm, I was heading into the second semester of my Senior year of high school. The world was spinning pretty well at the time. That kid and me, we’re almost entirely different people.
Her hair was just brushing her shoulders and mine almost reaches my waist. She wore size four jeans and I generally refuse to wear jeans. She wanted to be a youth pastor, thought that was her calling. I work with teenagers, and I still feel very strongly about marginalized youth, but I am wary of working in youth ministry now. She had yet to experience a panic attack or understand anxiety and I live most days working to recognize what might trigger me and preventing panic attacks from happening. Most importantly I think, she thought she was in love; I am about to get married and I think I have a better idea of what love is actually like at this point.
We’re going to watch fireworks. We’ll be leaving soon to drive to the bay where we’ll watch the colors explode over the water. For now with this time to kill, Daniel taking a quick nap by my side, I’m trying to route out the source of my melancholy. I don’t want to walk into 2015 feeling this blah. But the words to Death Cab for Cutie’s song have just been repeating in my head all day today:
so this is the new year// and i don’t feel any different.
I read something heartbreaking today. At the end the blogger said something about this being an arbitrary date. A marker. I get to decide whether it means something or not.
So, this is the new year. Do you feel any different?
I received a strange request from my boss a couple of weeks ago. An odd way to sort of showcase my encyclopedic random knowledge that I spout off whenever it seems relevant. She asked that I send out a “Fact of the Day” email to the rest of the leadership staff. My old supervisor used to send out thought for the day emails that were usually inspiring tidbits about working hard and accomplishing goals. The torch was passed to me. My boss has recently started saying, “I learn something new every time I talk to you.”
I’ve always collected bizarre pieces of knowledge and stored them away for later when they may become relevant. The particular moment in question had something to do with Red Velvet Cupcakes. I changed everyone’s world when I said that RV Cupcakes are really just red chocolate (which may be an oversimplification… oh well).
The thing is, my knowledge is referential. I absorb new knowledge quickly (unless it’s mathematical) and then quickly spit it right back out when an opportunity arises. I’m not always correct. I, too, bought into the idea that lovebugs were genetically engineered by scientists at UF. But that’s not true.
This new responsibility has me a little flustered. I started with facts that I already knew from prior reading or research. But I’m having trouble developing themes for facts that I find interesting to share with my co-workers. Do you think it’s cheating if I decided on themes and then look up things about that theme to share with everyone? I’m inclined to say no, because otherwise it appears that I’m saying I already know everything there is to know in the world and that IS NOT what I am about. This will be an interesting new thing to add to my weekly duties. But I’m up for the challenge. #thelifeofaknowitall